Just when I was reaching the end of my nutella honeymoon (right. You think there’s only so much chocolate-hazelnut spread you can consume until you realize it is Chocolate. And Hazelnut. And it is DELICIOUS ON EVERYTHING but I digress), I spotted something sinister tucked in the back corner of my local Carrefour. Did my eyes deceive me? Was that a real, normally-sized jar of peanut butter? With the trusty red cap, just like I used to buy for 99 cents at Wegmans?
Nah, kid. Why would everything be that simple? Instead of being something fairly common, you know, just a butter made out of smashing nuts that is useful in getting kids to eat and getting protein and putting in oatmeal or gluing things together, if you were desperate, it was a SPECULOOS spread.
For the uncultured, (Hah. How I scoff at you) Speculoos are a yummy cookie that apparently comes from Belgium and Northern France (thanks, Google) that’s slightly gingerbready. Mostly I know them as the little cookies waiters give you when you order a café crème, mmmmm. You can buy them in bulk in the grocery store, but that takes all the fun out of it, this little present you earn after enjoying your milky, coffeey, beverage (rough life, right). But clearly, there was a need in the market for spreadable, jarred speculoos flavor, and it was staring up at me, looking all peanut-butter like, from the bottom shelf.
So, naturally, I put it in my cart. And, (I know you’ve been on the edge of your seats) it does taste like speculoos! But creamier. So weird. It’s cookies you can spread. And French people call me fat (well, they haven’t, but maybe behind closed doors. You never know). Check my skepticism:
I’m sure when I run for public office, this picture will somehow come back to haunt me, but I’m in France, c’est la vie, you know? Jauntily knotted scarf and half-moon frown are included for full effect. So now you know. If you’ve always wanted to join the nutella club but couldn’t get into the deliciousness, here is a delightfully bizarre alternative that is almost like peanut butter, but not. Stay tuned for more intrepid adventures.